We all have friends we turnto for different things in our lives. this is about my best friend and soul sister. We have been friends for over 28 years, we have brought our children up together and I have become a part of Win's family for which I am so blessed to be a part of.
Even though Dawn was not biologically related to me, she and all Win's family are the family I have chosen for myself. I am most honoured that I have been part of their lives.
Win rang me on 2nd January to tell me that Dawn had a brain tumour in October and was receiving intense radiotherapy sessions, hopefully to eradicate the growth from getting elsewhere. After going through major surgery the year before, why did she have to go through all this? Win sounded so despondent, exhausted both emotionally and spiritually. Her voice was slow as she told me of the trauma they had been through with Dawn's trips back and forth to hospital.
I felt so very bad for not contacting Win for more than three months. We have been friends for almost twenty six years, we had brought up our children together along with her sisters Pat and Maria I felt like they were my family. They were now going through pain and helplessness as they watched Pat's eldest daughter Dawn go through chemotherapy, a major mastectomy and now radiotherapy, in the heavy battle against this disease called cancer. Dawn was the most beautiful vibrant young woman with eyes that sparkled when she smiled. Her courage was so humbling; despite all the pain medication she must have been taking. Win and I talked some more and we tried to bring the level of conversation up to a point of brevity, only to be reduced to tears.
About a week or so later I received another phone call from Win saying that Dawn was so weak and feeling so tired after every treatment. I wished I could have hugged my friend to ease some of her distress.
The beginning of February was bitterly cold and we had actually had snow over the mountains towards the end of January. It would be my birthday in a couple of weeks. I didn’t really want to celebrate it. I ached to go back to Liverpool to be with my friend and her family even if it was just for a couple of days. Dawn had now been rushed into hospital and been given the last rites; the family were so devastated. Win had sent me a text a couple of days later. (Win told me only a couple of months ago, how very scared and heartbroken every body was, the doctors didn’t seem to be pro active and just lingered around instead of helping Dawn out of her pain).
From Thursday 5th February until Monday 9th Feb I prayed, saying healing prayers, offering up as much love as I could to support Pat and Tommy right now.
I think I slept for about six hours, but it was worth it if it meant the family I had grown up around, got to say all they needed to Dawn while she was in a conscious state.
I decided it was time for me to go over to Liverpool. I couldn’t concentrate in work I was making mistakes and I asked for the last of my leave. I phoned and booked a plane ticket to go as soon as I could.
Dawn was being moved to the Marie Curie hospice, this meant that all the family would be able to visit and she would get better palliative care.
I sat that night and wrote a long letter to Pat and Tommy, not knowing whether I would get the chance to see them. My bag was packed and I was on my way over to see my friend, to offer any little bit of support that I could. I rang Win about three that afternoon,
‘Hi Win, how’s things?’
‘I am shattered Dee, I don’t know where to put myself.’ Her voice sounded so drawn.
‘Will you be at home for a while I have something being sent to yours is that okay’
‘That’s fine, I need to sort out something for my tea, the place is upside down, I could do with giving it a good blitz.’
I could tell by her voice she didn’t really want to be cleaning the house or making tea for anybody.
‘All right then at least I know you will get it.’ I turned up at the door with a bag full of stuff including a Barnado’s bear I had bid for at work. I wanted Win to give this to Dawn. She looked just how she sounded. I wanted to take all the pain and the anguish that had taken residence in her soul.
She was pleased to see me and I took off my coat and we began to make food in the kitchen. She was going back up to the hospice so I wasn’t going to stay long but made arrangements to call round early the next morning, with some ‘elbow grease’.
I knew it was the only thing I could offer.
I must admit I was fearful of her asking me to go with her. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see Dawn, but I wanted to remember Dawn as the smiley, big, blue eyed girl with the throaty laugh. I know I wouldn’t have been much good.
Being active and practical was my way of supporting of feeling useful, Win needed to be with Dawn and the family. Keeping busy didn’t distract me from my memories and from certain times in our lives together how much we had held each other up. I know this in my heart that no matter how much distance there may be between us, we were always there for each other. Win came home just after six for a while. She talked, I just sat and listened. I know I was glad being there, if I had stayed at home it would have only made me feel worse. Spending time with Win was so very important and made me realise that if needed we could stay awake talking all night I didn’t mind at all.
I was always the emotional person the one who cried and shed tears at the drop of a hat. This time it was Win who cried, who broke down, I realised how much I valued my friendship with Win and how much I valued those I loved, and I was the strength this time.
As the days went by Dawn stabilised and I went back to the Isle of Man, to carry on the best I could. I was on edge not knowing, when I would get the call.
I talked to Win every opportunity I could. You begin to understand how life changes and breaks your learned mould.
Dawn passed away on Wednesday 25th February 2004 it was to be the turning point in my life. I looked at life knowing, we are all here for a reason, we are all here to learn from each other, how to be supportive, how to be strong for someone at their weakest most vulnerable hour, also coming to terms with the fact that young people can die before you, even if you don’t want them to. It’s the most heartbreaking thing to loose somebody you have seen grow up and flourish into the amazing young woman with the life and vibrancy of ten women. Seeing my soul sister go through so much heart ache, which I could not control or stop or help in any way was the most pain I have ever encountered.
I learned to value my children, my close friends who are the family I choose for my self and my family, but most of all Win, without her I would not be the person I am today. She is my quiet strength which I know she does not always realise.
That year I lost two other young friends and my auntie Ann, who I was close to.
Coming through this immense storm has been the most traumatic part of my life, I have ever experienced, but I am here I am getting stronger every day. I have the support of my great friends they know who they are.
Most of all Win, we brought up our children, we nursed each other through women’s problems, through health scares, through family arguments but this one incident has to be the pinnacle of my life.
Sharing makes it acceptable it doesn’t ease the pain, or make it go away, it makes you understand love that little bit more, especially how we need to value every body that enters our lives for what ever reason and value the person you are.
