I feel the need to write but I don’t know in what direction I am going so here is some random thoughts,

·        Who do you feel is your guardian angel,

·        who would you say is the one person that keeps you whole,

·        who is the person that gives you guidance

·        Who inspires you to go beyond all you ever thought possible.

·        When did you feel you were different from  those around you

·        When did you give yourself a pat on the back for doing something good

·        When was the last time you told somebody you loved them with all your heart.

·        When was the last time somebody told you they loved you

·        Do you know how to be in your own pain

·        Do you know how to enjoy the smile right in the moment

·        Where are the people who said they would be there for you

 

Here are my answers:

My guardian angel is Indriel because I am most like her. Daniel B Holeman has painted the most magnificent portrait of what Indriel would look like. She is at the top of this page. She is a light worker and an Earth Angel, I feel a kindred soul connection with this wonderful Angel but I have a host of other Angels I do feel very close to.

I do also have amazing spirit family close to me too, and I am blessed that these are two men who I value the most through out each day. My dad and my son’s dad both born in January both passed on a 14^th day of the month eighteen months apart.

It has been my guiding light to have them around me when I have been at my lowest.

I am blessed to have this knowledge of life continuance; it keeps my faith and hope intact. Yes sometimes we loose sight of this but always I come back to my true self this secures my love of who I am becoming.

 

The one person that makes me whole: this would have to be more than one person my two children keep me whole, they give me substance and the reason to be here, the reason to sit quietly and contemplate the way they have both grown into wonderful strong individuals. My son now a father, showing how he loves his family fills me with a pride I overwhelmed with.

My daughter has a wonderful strong character with a beautiful soft side to her nature; she makes a doting auntie to my grandson.

I see things in myself through their eyes and their views of who I am.

I keep myself in the reality that I have been blessed with the whole ness of spirit and the guidance I get from them too.

 

The person that gives me guidance, I would have to say my best friend and soul sister Win, she is my sounding board my anger, my wake up call when I need it! She also is my discussion board my soap box. My guidance from her has no ends, it come from deep in her heart and soul. We have an amazing way of knowing when the other is in need of emotional support. Growing up with her and our children we have learned so much together. Our spiritual strength in each other keeps us grounded.

I see things in myself through their eyes and their views of who I am.

We have learned that Only Love is real.

Who inspires me to go beyond myself, I would say those who I come in contact with, those whose souls are touched by adversity, and have gained strength through out any trauma that may hit.

I am inspired by my spiritual connections when I do sittings for those who come close to me.

Those in spirit touch me and trust me with some intimate tale to pass to the loved one sitting with me, listening with love and intent.

It still astonishes me the amount of information I get given from spirit to pass on to their loved ones, and after a sitting I always  thank the lord and all my angels that I have this gift to offer the connection to others.

Inspiring words that come from the heart of others keep me going above and beyond myself, to be all that I can be in order to serve and be whole as a spiritual medium and advisor.

I hope that some day I can touch many more than those few I have already touched.

 

Feeling ‘different’ from others wasn’t something I thought was odd, as I am the oldest of five children, I always put it down to that I am the oldest so that was normal.

I would be picked on at school or bullied, I would know how to comfort somebody who was crying and they would instantly stop. As I got a little older I had compassion for those peers who seemed troubled but I never let the popular kids know I knew about them.

I always felt a kind of connection with those kids, we always discussed ghosts and if we believed we could contact those from the other side.

At sixteen I was taken to see the Exorcist and walked out after ten minutes, I just knew it was wrong to make a film about something so evil, and afterwards I also found out how much the actors were ill and other incidents happened while they worked on the set of this horrible film.

It was based on a true story that sparked a new film a couple of years ago, The Emily Rose film.

I always felt that no body understood me that I didn’t belong in my family even though I knew I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

 

Moving away from Liverpool was the best life choice I have made, I became more aware of my spiritual gift and less inhibited certainly not fearful of it. I began going to a most beautiful church and my gift and my own personality started to flourish.

I did become even more empathic and had lots of encounters with people of the same nature.

Now I love the ‘difference’ that I am.

 

Giving myself  a pat on the back is not something I have been able to do, and I know with my counselling training it has shown me some amazing things about myself I am unable to achieve because of how I have been brought up. I was never praised in a way I felt I was constantly given back handed compliments I was always used to boosting other people.

Now this year as I lead up to my half century birthday I am learning that I have to give thanks to myself and be extremely proud.

So this is my pat on the back, I am pleased that I have been able to offer comfort and spiritual blessings to those who have had sittings with me. I am blessed to be part of their lives as I have made some wonderful and amazing friends.

I am so very proud of my children and their personal achievements in life.

My biggest achievement is the building of this website and the amazing connections I have made with people via the internet. It has literally opened up a whole new world.

 

When was the last time I told somebody I loved them this has to be Saturday evening to my son and daughter and my son’s girlfriend for being there when I have been going through difficult times, I tell them as often as I can but Saturday was important it was a major step for me and I am proud of how I actually achieved this and without my family’s encouragement and support I would not have got ready and gone to my treasured friends wedding.

I tell my dad and my son’s dad I love them all the time in my prayers every night, I send my love out to the world of sadness we sometimes have to experience so that those who don’t know love feel a little from me.

Somebody told me they loved me on Saturday my children, but also my friend we were both emotional and hugged, so telling those you miss how you feel are very precious.

 

 

The next thing I would say is one of the most difficult things but easy enough to answer do I know how to be in my own pain. Yes.

It took great leaps of faith to let go of years of repressed pain and sorrow and to be in that pain at that moment in time was agony, extreme hurt, sorrow, grief, guilt, anger, which gripped inside my chest and became unbearable. For the first time in very many years I was in the pain at that moment right then! Crying for all of those times when I was told it was wrong to cry, it was bad behaviour to show emotion of any kind.

Now I know how to be in my own pain to show that I am an emotional person, there is no such thing as being too sensitive. This is part of who I am and not a fault or an abhorrent part of my character it’s a good quality for which I am thankful.

 

What makes me smile right now in the moment, my son has just knocked at my door to see me for five minutes, to say hello and how are you? This brought a smile from my heart, within two minutes my daughter rang and asked how my day was going; this too warmed my heart and brought a wonderful smile to my soul and right across my face. The thought of my grandson coming to stay with me tomorrow caresses my heart and makes me smile in a way that I know envelopes my soul.

 

So you see the smiles bring you joy, gaining new perspective for the day that is reaching into evening.

 

The last part of this would be to say where are those people who said they would be there for you?

I don’t know who I expected to be there for me in any crisis or trauma it’s the people you least expect to bring you through certain issues in your life that surprise you the most. That bring you comfort support and inner strength you didn’t know you had.

But when you have ideas in your mind of who you would have liked to be there for you it’s hard because it’s those people that may have their own crisis going on or occupy their lives so much, in spite of themselves. They too have ways of their own to tackle the demons or issues without having to see it staring back at them in the eyes of a friend in need.

So I understand and don’t shed responsibility on any one of those ‘ideas’ I had who would be there for me.

Remember that when you are going through these crises that you have to be aware of others, and if they can handle your pain with out them having to look at their own.

 

Be true to who you are and show compassion. We all need space and be thankful for those who have been there that you completely didn’t realise were the ones who were there all the time.